2021-01-27 | Journal | Untrustworthy
What is the guidance? I asked. I got a dream. That is more than anybody could expect. I had been sitting on this fresh site, had the logo based on Metropolis and the Eye of Providence, but it was idle... repurposed, waiting for a new identity.
I've benefited from modern, western industrial civilization. It is my view, my experience, and wraps any alternatives I might consider. Oh... and I... I is not something I can trust. Identity is misleading. The combination of uncertain basis for knowledge and action outside of my world view, as well as identity issues, makes any kind of statement about meaning or progress difficult.
A journal is the only thing I know that approximates progress. I am climbing in the metaphor, and a journal tracks routes, people I meet, places I go, and equipment for the climb. I need a journal even more in the absense of a reliable form of identity. I saw the Eye of Providence a couple of times around the year I transitioned from the law firm. The advice was around identity and love. These are hints (or red herrings) just sitting there as I asked for dream guidance.
I recently wrapped up large swaths of effort, and am pleased with the technical plateau, but what is next? Sean was in Bremerton to have dinner with her son on Sunday, so I just sat on the couch and drank a few McEwans, staring off through the three doorways out towards the living room in the dark. The first thing that shocked me was that there was a huge period of time from 1986 to now, that had a form of continuity, yet was misguided from the perspective I was observing from in the present. It was disturbing, kind of like when I realized how distant my Grandmother and me were, and I wrote her about it (1987 or so). I kept on asking of the memories as I traced them, "What happened?" I was missing something. I had been derailed. In itself, this is understandable, but what I do next is my question. I need outside help, some kind of guidance. I am blind.
Unfortunately, while I have a variety of religious backgrounds, I don't really believe in any of them enough to trace guidance, at least not specifically. A long time ago... I'm figuring 1992, I subscribed to "as good as not" when I wasn't Mountain Climbing. It horrified some people, but I had not been convinced that paths mattered. The philosophy was nihilistic, and allowed for the whim of the actor. All-in-all a lame and simplistic philosophy. Even in the early 2000s, I figured I might as well focus on an old microcontroller that was generally considered garbage, for my coding. This is a similar idea to minimizing any economic activity because it is all destructive.
Fast forward to now, and I have declared a general statement of purpose, sure, my manifesto-ish perspective around knowledge. That may still be true, but it doesn't play out the way I expected. I have no interest in forcing the ideas. The ideas are there, and the tools to use them are easy to find if needed. They made lots of businesses lots of money with stuff like improved search an various knowledge graph applications. I am also aware of a form of momentum, a push that is destructive and misleading.
The best way I know to get guidance at this level, where there is no tactical, strategic, or technical barrier to overcome or goal to reach, is to cut ties that normally connect you to ideas and see where you re-attach. I had a friend in high school who had a lazy eye, and that is how they fixed it. They just cut the muscle and it re-attached. The direction just unfolds if you pay attention. In this very specific case, I decided to re-start my journal and focus and intended if at all possible to remember my dream from the coming night. I don't think that dreams are some kind of prophecy or anything. They are more alignment with what you know deeper down in your psyche.
I did remember my dream. My dream was pretty minimal, but it had to do with mediating between the outsourced crew and management. This fits Metropolis, and addresses my duty, my onus as a mediator. It is quite different than a docent. It is a role I've often been in, but one that I'm not very good at. Now, these are aspects of me... harumph. Is there a Trung aspect and a Tru aspect?
It also fits into my broader issues. I live between an understanding of the all-consuming nature of the global supply chain and idealistic proclomations. There is no escape from the modern equivalent of the "head" from Metropolis, and there is certainly a "hand" revolt. I do not want to get in the middle of that as a mediator, but specific to IT, it is an area I can help with. It also gives a bit more focus to how to tackle knowledge related to IT. I can expect in most cases that the application of the technical approach with others will be rare. I can use it myself. I can apply it publicly with my journal. But at heart it is a mapping tool. This is the big change, then. The tech is downplayed. The mediator is important. At least, this is the direction I'm getting over my dream cast, using the various remnants of past ideas as props.
There is reason to be suspicious of this entry. I don't want to just delete it, but I think it is not truthful. (Ah... Tru).